Hi Teresa,
It’s February, the month of love, but lately it feels like real connection is harder to find. I see couples out to dinner scrolling on their phones, families together but not really together, and I catch myself doing the same thing. After COVID, it feels like we forgot how to truly connect in person. I want deeper relationships, but I’m not always sure how to create them anymore.
— Longing for Connection
Dear Longing for Connection,
What you’re describing is deeply human – and very much of this moment. We live in a world that’s more connected than ever through technology, yet many people feel increasingly disconnected from themselves and each other. That longing you feel isn’t a flaw; it’s a signal. Love and belonging are basic human needs, not luxuries, and when they’re unmet, we feel it in our bodies and hearts.
Over the past few years, many of us learned to substitute screens for presence. Video calls, texting, scrolling – even conversations with AI – have offered comfort, availability, and a sense of being heard when real connection felt out of reach. These tools can support us, but they can’t replace the kind of connection our nervous systems truly crave: the warmth of eye contact, the safety of being fully seen, the quiet reassurance that another human is here with us.
The hopeful truth is this: connection isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you practice.
One powerful place to start is curiosity. Instead of planning what you’ll say next, stay with what the other person is sharing. Ask a gentle follow-up like, “What was that like for you?” or “What do you think mattered most there?” Curiosity tells people their inner world matters.
Another pathway is appropriate vulnerability. You don’t need to overshare. Sometimes, connection grows when you simply say, “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately too,” or “I don’t have this figured out, but I care.” Small honesty creates emotional safety.
Connection also deepens through reflective listening – responding not with advice but with understanding: “That sounds really important to you,” or “I can see why that stayed with you.” Feeling understood often heals more than solutions.
And connection depends on consistency. Trust isn’t built in one deep conversation; it’s built when people experience you as emotionally predictable. Showing up, following through, and being present in ordinary moments all quietly say, You’re safe with me.
Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson calls these moments of shared attention “micro-moments of love.” Eye contact, putting your phone away, or fully listening for a few minutes may seem small, but over time, they create lasting bonds. Love isn’t built in grand gestures. It’s built the way a fire is kept alive – by tending to it regularly, with presence, care, and warmth.
Connection hasn’t disappeared. It’s simply waiting for us to come back to each other.
