Email from Reader
Hi Teresa,
Spring is coming and everyone talks about fresh starts, but I’m still carrying old hurts. I know holding onto resentment isn’t helping me, but I don’t know how to let it go. Lately, I’ve realized how much emotional clutter I’m still carrying: grudges, disappointments, even stories about who I am that may not be true anymore. How do I release what no longer fits me?
– Ready to Lighten the Load
Teresa’s Response
Dear Ready,
There’s something very self-aware about what you’re noticing. Spring often brings an urge to clear space in our homes, in our schedules, and sometimes in our hearts. When the light shifts, it can illuminate what we’ve been quietly holding onto.
Resentment is one of those things. It usually begins because something mattered. You were hurt. You were disappointed. A boundary may have been crossed. In that moment, holding onto the story can feel protective.
Staying alert feels safer than letting your guard down. But over time, what once protected us can start to exhaust us.
Research shows that physical clutter can elevate cortisol levels, our primary stress hormone, because clutter signals unfinished business to the brain.
Emotional clutter works in a similar way. When we replay old arguments or hold onto long-standing grudges, the body often reacts as if the threat is still present. We stay tense. Guarded. Alert.
Letting go isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. And it certainly isn’t about saying it was okay. It’s about deciding that the past no longer gets daily access to your peace.
If you’re wondering where to begin, here is a gentle, values-based approach inspired by positive psychology and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, a framework that emphasizes psychological flexibility. It encourages us to stay present with what’s real while choosing actions aligned with who we want to be.
The 3-Step Emotional Declutter
1) Gently name what you’re carrying.
Without judging it. Without minimizing it. Simply acknowledge it.
• “I’m still angry about what they said.”
• “I feel disappointed in myself.”
• “I keep telling myself I’m not chosen, not enough, or too much.”
Clarity reduces the quiet power these stories hold.
2) Ask what it’s costing you and what you value more.
Does holding onto this resentment protect you, or does it drain you?
•What does holding onto this take from me? Sleep, peace, openness, joy?
•What kind of person do I want to be as I move forward? Calm, self-respecting, honest, free?
Values create direction when feelings are loud.
3) Choose your release move: forgiveness, a boundary, or a new story.
This is where you choose how you want to move forward.
• Forgiveness can be as simple as saying, “I’m not available to relive this every day.” You’re not excusing. You’re unclenching. You’re choosing freedom.
• A boundary might sound like, “I’m not having that conversation again.” “I’m limiting contact.” “I’m not explaining myself to someone committed to misunderstanding me.” Boundaries are not punishment. They are self-respect in action.
•A new story could be, “I didn’t deserve that, and it still doesn’t define me.” Not positive thinking. Truthful thinking.
You don’t have to do this perfectly. You don’t have to clear the whole emotional house in one day. Start with one drawer. One grudge. One story. One small choice that gives you your energy back.
Spring isn’t asking you to become a brand-new person overnight. It is simply inviting you to stop carrying what has been weighing you down.
Sometimes healing is not about learning how to hold more. It is about choosing what you are finally ready to put down.
Have a question you’d like Teresa to answer in a future column? Write to teresagrecoaching@gmail.com and include “Advice Column” in the subject line.
Teresa Greco is an international TEDx speaker, certified happiness life coach, bestselling author, and Ph.D. student. She helps people reclaim their inner happiness through science-backed strategies and soul-aligned practices. Learn more at teresagreco.ca. Connect with her on Instagram @teresagreco_stepstohappiness, Facebook at Steps to Happiness with Teresa Greco, LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/teresagreco/, and YouTube @teresagreco_stepstohappiness — and watch her new show The Happy Hour with Teresa Greco on the True Patriot Love platform on YouTube @TPL_media and www.tplmedia.ca.
